Maintaining Social Connections

I've written about this topic many times, but not in these pages, this being a relatively new endeavor. The topic of friendship is always quite fascinating in that deep abiding friendships, like deep abiding love relationships, are always works in progress, replete with pitfalls and misunderstandings along with the good stuff: the connections, easy rapport and sense of knowing and being known.

I have been gathering with a group of friends in a group we call the "Wise Guys" for almost 5 years now, and once again, we met last night. we are men, and it is a group of 10, but in reality, this group was born from 4 or 5 friends who've been meeting for hikes, parties, hanging out, holidays, etc. for over 10 years. We did enjoy each others company so much that we decided to expand the number and set a date - the 4 th Friday evening of every month - to meet and continue our work of listening to and speaking deeply into the truths of our existence.

I have to say that this is one of the most valuable ways that I spend my time every month. There's something really grounding about being with men friends every month - without too much of an agenda - that really let's the humanity of being a man come out and be seen.

You just never really know how it's going to go. One month there could be wild African drumming, chanting, wrestling, confrontation - the energy can be really tumultous.

Another month some of the musicians might bring their guitars and flutes, the story teller in our group may bring in a gem, and we spend the evening more in a dream state with soft music and poignant tale- telling.

Last night was more of an intellectual evening - one of our members returned from foregin travel in the Fertile Crescent area and it sparked a conversation about archaeology, ancient human civilizations and migration, aboriginal story traditions, responsibility to future generations regarding preservations of the planet, and a host of other topics.

When we realized that we were ready for a shift, we all jumped up and a whole new energy was created with some movement games, some sociometry exercises, some theatre and some psychodrama. The group reminds me of who I am as a man, as a social creature, our dynamism, our enjoyment as we exercise our intellect and form ideas, that we are very social beings.

That as humans we love to play, to laugh, to joke around, to be silly as well as serious.

That having friends is just as important at this time in my life as it ever was, even though I don't naturally bump into friends all that often and really need to make dates and set up time to meet.

There's a fair amount of research out that great health is aided by having strong social and friendship networks. We've seen an explosion of social networking sites on the net lately, and between Facebook and Twitter, folks are constantly finding new ways to connect with friends old and new. Face time is valuable, very valuable, though, and lest we once again be drawn into the belief that we can live a virtual life on the web, we should remind ourselves to get out and spend some social time with each other in person. It's one of the places where our humanity is strengthened and forged. Do these engaments always satisfy? I'd be the last one to tout that.
But important they are to our health and well being, so much so that the research has shown that strong social support networks can add years to our lives, stregthen our immune systems, stave off isolation and lonliness, and help our overall health profile in any number of ways.

One of the things that's so valuable about the net is the resource base it does offer to find and meet up with others who share similar interests or ones that are newly emerging. I have found a raw food lovers group that meets often in the East Bay, and I'm scheduled to bring Lisa and Maya to a gathering close by in two weeks that will feature a great raw blueberry cheesecake, made by a former dessert chef at Cafe Gratitude. Another healthy way to meet up with folks, have something raw and delicious to eat, and make some new friends.

As time goes by, may we all continue to strengthen our social and familial ties, keep up with old friends, make some new ones, and touch the humanity that lays at the core of the human bonds of family and friendships. Easy to say, harder to do, but well worth the effort!