Climbing Out of the Hole

It happened on July 9, 2009. That was the fateful day. The day of The Accident.

I remember the morning well, because I had gone on Sparkpeople.com, a great health and fitness website, and had been reading a few posts from members. One in particular really caught my eye.

It was from a woman who was having a very hard time. She'd been battling the pounds - most of us who have been working on weight loss have gone through this a hundred times - the emotional eating, the self deprecation, the helplessness and hopelessness. The weight gain which seems like a crushing blow, the self loathing that comes with it.

What had I said back to her that morning, the morning of The Accident? I'd said something to the effect of: "Never. Ever. Give up. Never ever ever give up. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how far down you get slapped. Pick yourself up and never give up." You can do this!
I had felt good to offer encouragement. I have no idea if she saw my post or if it meant anything to her. But little did I know that it would be advice that I myself had better be taking in very short order.

Sometimes it's tough to take your own advice.

Later that same morning I was at work. There was a particularly steep roof that I had no intention of climbing. But I somehow let the client talk me into trying to follow him up there. As I stood 10 feet above the ground at the top of the ladder, trying unsuccessfully to find the right footing to step from the ladder to roof, the ladder suddenly slid out from under me.

I came crashing down and sprained my ankle and lower back. Massive pain for about a week - pain killers came in handy, but they can only do so much. Then - less pain, but incredible difficulty walking - used crutches at first, but the Doc said lose them after about two weeks, she wanted me to strengthen the muscles in the ankle, not coddle them.

My mood had been seriously impacted. For some reason, if I don't get enough exercise, I'm prone to feeling down. As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks have now turned into about a month, the swelling hasn't subsided, and it's still painful to walk, to stand, to stretch the ankle. I feel in my heart that I will eventually have a total recovery, but there are days when I wonder.

I've had a few problems with this ankle before, many minor twists and sprains - as a runner and power walker, these things have simply happened. I started to feel this week that I was never going to really get better, I started to feel like giving up.

Yesterday, I hit bottom. The insomnia had returned with a vengeance, and sleep deprivation can really wreak havoc with your sense of well being. Combined with no real exercise for a month, and I was getting pale, washed out and nerves were getting jangly. The raw diet had been maintained for the most part - and that was good, although the percentage was down from before the accident.

Work had been stressing me out. My personal sales volume dried up to a trickle, and not going out on new site visits has been making it only worse. I've been working part time and trying to make sales happen, but it's been a rough go.

Today woke up and said to myself, something has got to change. It can't go on like this. Even if my sales are down, even if my ankle is still swollen and painful, I need to get out somehow to do some cardio. I need to climb up out of this hole.

So I went over to the gym, climbed on an exercise bike, and started pedaling. I pedaled for a half hour, not too much pressure on the ankle. Lifted some weights, did some crunches and leg lifts.

After 45 minutes I was tired. But I felt good. It was my first real exercise (other than walking on crutches for longer distances) for a month. As I limped through the parking lot back to the car, I had a sense of well being that I had not felt in weeks. Maybe endorphins, who knows?

I started to think, maybe I can crawl out of this hole. Maybe just maybe I don't have to give up.
Maybe I can take my own advice.

I sit here, ankle aching, feeling a bit sorry for myself. But truth told, there's no interruption in my goal. I still want to look and feel my best ever. It may take me a while to get back to where I was. But I won't give up - the stakes are too high - nothing less than my physical, mental and emotional well being - and by extension, all of the others who are looking for inspiration and
guidance on the Journey To Vitality. A raw diet, fresh clean water, plenty of exercise, relaxation and fun - these are my goals. I wont' give up - no matter what. I'll never give up. I'm going to Climb Out of the Hole.